My friend and I recently met for a greenhouse yoga class, and afterwards, while sitting in a coffee shop to wash away our newfound calmness with caffeine, we discussed the delayed gratification of yoga. How is it that every time we practice yoga, we feel so much better after it — we never regret a session, we would unmistakably get a better night’s sleep from it — and yet, we still find ourselves consciously ignoring the option of doing even a five-minute yoga session before bed, instead laying on one side to scroll through our phones?
Ironically, the times when we are most likely to do yoga is when our bodies are so achy that it’s more of an instant gratification than a delayed one.
How does instant gratification hold us back in life, and what’s the secret to delaying gratification on what matters to us so that we can achieve our long-term goals?
First, let’s look at the central reason why we’re so stubborn when it comes to gratification:
We’re Programmed to Worry About the Now
Biologically, the future doesn’t matter if we can’t make it through the present. In “Instant Gratification, Self-Control and Impulsiveness: How Adults Deal With It?” Anwesha Saha and Dr. Sunita Dhenwal explain this concept:
Although today’s era of getting our immediate needs gratified instantly has a lot to do with advanced tech gadgets, social media applications with the taglines of ‘instant messaging’ or quick resort to entertainment through OTT applications, much of it is believed to be an innate trait of humans in order to survive. So, the physiological and basic needs that we humans indulge in such as food, sex, sleep — all provide us with instant pleasure. Hence, it is intertwined into our instincts since the very beginning and therefore we are more likely to incline towards receiving the same.
Instant gratification has been linked to childhood obesity, drug abuse, and unhealthy relationships. Even if we do not travel down those roads, we still struggle with instant vs delayed gratification. What does this look like for the creative individual?
Five Modes that Inhibit Delayed Gratification
Recently, I have noticed that overthinking and catering to instant gratification forms a creative barrier in me. There are five reasons for this, which I will describe in terms of modes:
1) The Indecisiveness Mode
Which project do I want to start next? What activities do I want to give up in order to make time and energy for that project?
Four activities I spend a lot of my free time doing that I struggle to give up for delayed gratification include:
Sleep
I have a complicated relationship with sleep. I’m not the person who can sleep in until the end of the world, but I do crave consistency. I hit the hay at 8:19 p.m. (I don’t know why that number — probably an OCD habit) throughout middle school and my first three years of high school. Even in college, I only went through a couple phases of staying up past midnight on school nights, and that was probably due to my first class of the day starting at noon.
My mom will tell you that I used to ask when it was going to be nap time as a little kid, and my fiancé will back me up wholeheartedly when I say I hit a wall at night and start to function like a toddler, and I can quite literally pause a show in the middle of a sentence to get up and head for the pillow.
I am most productive in the morning, and I enjoy mornings much more than evenings as time to be alone and creative. Setting the alarm for 5:30 a.m. to write for an hour or two every morning is ideal, but it’s hard to compromise my evening time, knowing there’s a good chance I’ll hit the toddler phase a lot sooner.
When I don’t get enough sleep for a few days in a row, I feel it, you feel it, we all feel it — I’m cranky and back to four-year-old Nina asking when nap time is. Except now, as an adult, I have a secret weapon — it’s two syllables, can you guess it? Yep: caff-eine.
Cooking
I was quite obsessive about cooking when I first moved in with my fiancé last fall. I’m a big fan of home-cooked meals as an integral part of life for comfort and health. I think I wanted to prove that we are a family now and I’m an ideal and dedicated partner by making meals that took anywhere from one to three hours to prepare. In addition to that, I had this idea that we would go broke if we ate out too much. In addition to that, I don’t like eating out (except for sushi, obviously). So when the only con of cooking at home every day was my time and energy, I often sucked it up but ended up wishing I had more time to myself at the end of the day, putting some of the blame on my fiancé when I was the one obsessing over meals.
For anyone who needs to hear it: sometimes ordering out instead of cooking is the more rewarding and healthier option! It might even be the financially savvy option if your grocery receipt includes gruyere cheese, local grass-fed beef, almond butter (Lord help me) and name-brand Cheez-Its, like mine.
Friends
I’m primarily introverted. But in the last few years or so, I’ve realized that I also really really love spending time with people, and I start to get moody if I don’t leave my apartment for a day or two, or if I haven’t had a long-ish conversation with someone other than my fiancé (no matter how much I love him!) for a couple days.
If it so happens that one week I could make plans every day of the week with friends, family, fiancé's friends, or fiancé, I won’t say no solely to write or work on a creative project. I spent too much time as a teenager saying no, avoiding plans, and, though I’d deny it, feeling socially unfulfilled. Additionally, I think interacting with others helps us creatively by expanding our minds to new ways of thinking. You know what they say: what doesn’t kill you gives you a good story.
Exercise
I have no idea how, but it takes less energy to push myself and stay consistent physically than mentally.
In college, I’d take a half hour at the gym over an hour straining over the first draft of an essay. This can be explained by my need to still feel productive even in my moments of procrastination. I’ve also used cleaning as a mode of productive procrastination. To a point, this is probably a positive thing— physical movement can ease mental blockage, as the mind and the body are connected. It only becomes an issue when I’m not in school with a deadline as my ultimate motivation to get back into the zone.
Eventually, I start to feel like these productive things I’m doing (running, cleaning, cooking) aren’t actually productive, because they’re not really the things I want to be accomplishing, so they lose that rewarding feeling. Instead of “Ah, I deep-cleaned all of my kitchen appliances,” I think, “Well, another day I’ve dodged my manuscript.”
2) The Unfinished Project Mode
One and a half crocheted baby booties. A boxful of candle jars to melt the last bits of wax out of and clean to use for something else (who knows what). About a hundred “first few pages” of short stories and novels, and a thousand more story ideas scribbled down.
Buckle up, folks, because you have entered: The Unfinished Project Zone, where ambitions die like flies and then lie on your windowsill all summer.
3) The Debbie Downer Doubter Mode
Why try? Why focus on performing creative hobbies well if they won’t get me anywhere? I’m not the next great American novelist. I could instead instantly gratify with shows and movies every day after work and sleep until 7:30 every morning. My creative work is no good, and even if it was, there’s no way it could grab the attention of this ADHD world.
The most important thing in dealing with the Debbie Downer Doubter Mode is to figure out your own intrinsic why and focus on that primarily over extrinsic factors and goals. This doesn’t necessarily mean you shouldn’t strive to be recognized or make a living from your creative work — but remember the reason why you want to be recognized for it. Has it been your dream since childhood? Is it an identity of yours that you want to be more obvious? Do you want more opportunities to meet people who share your passion?
Internal factors drove me towards the finish line of my two biggest writing projects:
- I wrote my first novel when I was sixteen, and while it’s definitely sinking with plot holes, I pushed through so I could prove to myself I could do it — I could be a novelist, and I could take that first leap. Finishing that was one of my proudest and most exciting moments.
- The next big project I finished was a novella. I followed a writing guide and literally wrote down my “why”s before drafting. Whenever I felt my desire to continue the story die down, the reminder that this was something I really wanted to finish, and if I continued then I’d reach another point of excitement and pride, kept me going.
What’s your “why”?
4) The Excuse Mode
I’m tired.
I already explained my relationship with sleep. So here’s my goal: at least try to work on my creative project when I’m tired. Honestly, it’s rare when I’m completely unable to lose myself in a project — I mean, I’ve got to be really tired, like unable to focus tired, like end of the night wall where I stop a show mid-sentence tired. Which is why I’m a sunrise writer.
I have too much to do.
I’m planning my wedding and it’s taking up all my free time, I have to keep up with chores so the apartment stays clean, I have to sit here and be anxious about something, I don’t have anyone to hold me accountable or share my writing with or grade my work, I should focus on working out and eating healthy, etc.
I’ve run out of excuses so I’m just going to say I don’t wanna.
Hey, that’s okay. If you want to take a break, you want to take a break (Ross Geller approves this message). You don’t have to wave goodbye to your creative identity. It’s there when you discover your passion, it’s there when you rediscover your passion, and it’s there all the days, weeks, months, or even years between.
5) The Overthinking, Instead of Just Doing, Mode
When we’re overwhelmed, we think, “Where do I start?!”
This is similar to the Unfinished Project Mode, except in this mode, I’m so overwhelmed that I can’t even begin a project. Part of this is due to my perfectionistic tendencies, but that’s a story for another time.
For example: I have a thousand story ideas written down. I’m interested in many genres, and I want to experiment in all of them: science fiction, contemporary fiction, children’s literature, poetry, magical realism, screenwriting, short stories (anthologized), memoir. But where to start?!
I try to remember that nothing is permanent, and no creative energy is wasted when working creatively.
I’m proud of finally taking a step out of the overthinking whirlpool and starting to write blog posts again. I had to tell myself that it’s okay if I end up not liking it, because then that’s one thing to knock off my overwhelming list of “maybe” projects. I’m determined to whittle down that list until I find exactly what kind of writing I enjoy the most and my own system of writing in terms of learning, engaging with others, and habit. But first, I have to try new things. First, I have to do. Practice. Step out of the old comfort zone.
Unfortunately, this will probably take years, and I’m kind of impatient — hence instant vs delayed gratification!
The Overthinking Instead of Just Doing Mode also applies to learning. Sometimes, I catch myself thinking:
There’s so much out there, I’ll never be able to keep track of it all. All the writing communities, contests, news, and the publishing industry. Best to stay out of it, right?
No! Best to fight against the insanely consumeristic and demanding fronts on the internet and find the little wormhole into the stuff that feeds my creative brain.
Let’s practice.
Write down five small things you can do this week to continue learning about and developing your niche within your niche. Here’s my example:
- Read another few pages in Poets & Writers magazine.
- Jot down more blog post ideas.
- Read instead of delete one of the many newsletters crowding my inbox. (Unsubscribing to a few may be a good idea, too.)
- Research novel-writing tips to brush up on basic skills.
- Journal. (Never underestimate the power of journaling! It’s one of the best ways to touch base with yourself about where you’ve been, where you are, and where you want to go.)
What’s the Secret?
I don’t think the “secret” is that we need the self-discipline of a dog waiting to snap at the treat on his nose.
Instead of using all my energy to block off some time, sit myself down, and work on a creative project, it helps to turn off my brain. Literally just doing the thing. Letting my thoughts be productive and active instead of uncomfortable and passive. Easier said than done, right?
Next time you’re feeling creative and the thought of a project you’ve ignored for a bit pops into your head, I encourage you to jump on that thought as soon as you have it. Or, decide in that moment if you are not going to jump on it today, and let go of the thought and do whatever else it is you want or have to do, in peace.
Writing as an Act of Meditation
I recently joined a local writing accountability group that meets on Zoom from six to eight a.m. every morning. One member described this time as helpful to them because it was like meditation. There was no pressure, and it was enough just to show up. That understanding and mutual passion for writing made the discomfort of getting out of bed at 5:30 a.m. worth it, and it motivates me to continue to do so.
Does your creative hobby feel like a meditation, or does it feel like a chore? How could you change your habits and turn your work into more of a meditative, almost thoughtless practice?
Balance and Moderation
How do we manage a strict schedule for our creative endeavors without sacrificing the joy and spontaneity of life?
Everything in moderation; balance is key. If we did everything with delayed gratification over instant, we’d have to wave goodbye to hot showers, Oreos, Harry Styles, and Love Is Blind.
The Doing Part
- Create a list of activities you spend most of your free time doing that you struggle to give up to focus on a creative project. Then come up with a few ideas of how you might give and take in these areas.
- Write down your “why.”
- Write down five quick things you can do this week to foster your creativity.
- Don’t think. Jump on a creative inclination as soon as you have it.
What areas do you strive to manage delayed gratification in? Let me know what strategies you use to focus on achieving delayed goals. If you’re interested in more on this topic, stay tuned!
